PC/PS3/Xbox 360; �49.99; cert 18+; 2K Games/Gearbox Software
In a world where we've now got 70-year-old rock stars, 40-something gamers were inevitable. They're the clear target audience for the return of the vest-wearing, ass-kicking, shamelessly inappropriate Duke Nukem because, while this first person shooter ? some 15 years in the making ? scores on the nostalgia stakes, it's hard to see modern gamers responding to an, at best, average game.
And even the nostalgia ? and bad taste humour ? can't make up for the frustrating load times. The game sets its stall out early. Literally: it opens in a toilet, with Duke facing the bowl, and an instruction to press RT to piss.
After a basic pre-credit tutorial, the game proper then kicks off with Duke receiving a (thankfully offscreen) blowjob from twins. Sensitive souls need not apply. Having lived a few years in peace, Duke is the king of all he surveys ? or Vegas as we know it. Girls want to be with him, guys want to be him and interaction with the locals (plus assorted objects) will boost your ego, the Duke Nukem take on the life meter.
However, the aliens are invading and they've made it personal by abducting women and, somewhat inevitably, nothing stands between Duke and his babes. It is "time to kick ass and chew bubble gum ... and I'm all outta gum."
However you dress it up, Duke Nukem Forever is Doom with added political incorrectness, or "same old, same old" as far as the character is concerned. That's not necessarily a problem ? the old adage about things not being broken is one many developers could pay more attention to ? but what do you get for 15 years of patience?
Not much at all. Visuals are grainy (perhaps a deliberate throwback to older Nukem titles?), aiming is clunky and there are occasional frame rate issues and buggy moments.
There are fine touches ? a shrunken Duke zooming around on a remote controlled car for example ? and nostalgia and bad taste jokes help you overlook some shortcomings, but fond memories only go so far while the gags just get repetitive.
And then there's the load time. The game is tough ? a good thing ? and you're regularly thrown into hard-fought battles with multiple enemies and rampaging bosses. You will die, frequently, and often after only 30 seconds or so of action ... And you then have to wait some 45 seconds or so to have another go. If you think the Duke's pissed off, see how you feel after 20 minutes of that.
A mark for nostalgia then ? it's the Duke, after all ? and one for the game. If this was 15 years in the making, it makes you wonder what they did for the other 14 years and 10 months.
? Game reviewed on Xbox 360
Rachel Weisz Miranda Kerr Sarah Shahi Anna Paquin Diane Kruger
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